A Dose of Humility

So I'm laying in bed, not sleeping and my mind drifts to a favorite passage of scripture of mine.  One that has confused me over the years, but one that is becoming more clear to me in my own life.  It's in the Book of Mormon, Ether chapter 12.  Moroni is expressing his feeling of weakness in writing.  For those who don't know, Moroni was the last Nephite in the American continent.  His father, Mormon had all the writings of his people, from the time they left Jerusalem in 600 b.c. and sailed to what is now America, until about 400 a.d.  He abridged these records onto a single but large book made of gold plates.  These records contained prophesy and history of the people on the American continent during the same period of time that Jesus was born in Bethlehem and taught there and was crucified there.  They contain record that He, Jesus, visited these people on the American continent in his resurrected form and ministered to them and taught them, just as he had for the people in Jerusalem in his 3 years of ministry there.  The book is another testament of Jesus Christ and his teachings along with the Bible. Mormon did most of the abridgment of these records, but left them to his son Moroni to finish.  So as I said, in Ether 12, Moroni is expressing to the Lord his feeling of inadequacy of writing, not only his own inadequacy but of his people who had done most of this record keeping. That alone is so hard to understand.  Especially when I read this marvelous record of history and testimony in the Book of Mormon.  The words are powerful and inspired.  But Moroni goes on to say that they have been given words to speak and are mighty in speech, but their hands are large and awkward, making writing difficult and hard to express themselves in writing.  He knows that these writings are being preserved for future generations of Gentiles (us).  He is afraid that the Gentiles will mock or make fun of the writings. (I definitely see that happening around the world). The Lord answers him, starting in verse 26

      26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn;   and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

      27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

As I mentioned, this has confused me.  How can weak things become strong?  I believe it can, I don't doubt the Lords words, but I am analytical and want to know the "cause and effect", the "how" this can happen.  I want to know how to explain it in words in a very logical manner.  So I have pondered this from time to time over the years.  Laying in bed this morning my thoughts became clear and I knew I had to share them.  

I have always been a very weak person, or at least weak in expression.  I might have great thoughts or something to say or share, but the words wouldn't come, or if they did, I would stumble all over myself and babble and so on.  Overall, not really expressing what I wanted to say at all.  Definitely felt much like Moroni in his feeling of weakness in writing.  I felt as if no one really wanted to hear what I had to say.  I would feel as if people would make fun of, or mock, at my words.  Something has happened over the years.  I can't even tell you when or how it happened.  It just did.  There have been times in my life when I really needed the RIGHT words.  Maybe something really important that I needed to express, maybe a conversation with a child of mine going though difficulty and needing something good from me, maybe in a church class setting when a thought to share comes into my mind, maybe while teaching a class in church and needing the right words.  I have said in my mind in the form of a quick prayer, "Father, please just give the words".  I have opened my mouth and those words have come and surprised me as I was saying them. Over more recent years I have had people tell me I have a gift for articulation.  You can imagine how strange that might sound to me, given my feeling of weakness.  I will tell you there are times when the words don't come.  I trip and stumble all over the words.  I say the wrong words for what I am trying to express. Yes, it still happens a lot.  I have come to realize that  it is just a big dose of humility that I need to keep in check.  To keep me realizing just where this gift of articulation is coming from.  I am experiencing weak things being made strong, through the Lords grace, as was told to Moroni, but written for all of us to learn from.  I still worry that people will make fun of or mock what I say, or even what I write.  I started writing this blog several years ago at a time when I needed an outlet to express some thoughts.  I felt I needed people, even my own family, to get to know the real me.  I didn't think I had really given them the chance to do that.  I was always hiding the real me.  Writing became a way for me to open up and show the real me.  I still risk being mocked, I still wonder if I really have anything worth saying or writing.  I haven't blogged in a while, but I guess that's because it was easier when times were harder.  There seemed to be more contemplation, more growth, more things to write about in my journey and my parable moments along the way.  When times are good and everyday brings happiness, as it is now, the writing doesn't seem to flow.  But this morning, I had to share this.  I hope to keep writing and sharing my thoughts.  I hope and plan to keep opening my mouth, not knowing if the stumbling, bumbling, me will be expressed, or if the words put there will surprise me.  I can't risk not allowing that to happen.  I will continued to be humbled, I'm sure, but I can't risk not allowing that weakness to become even stronger.  It is a true promise, not only for Moroni, but for me and for you as well!