It's quiet in the house. Everyone else has gone to bed and the noise of the day is gone. I've been sitting here for a while wanting to blog, but nothing is coming together. I have a list of things to blog about, but couldn't quite get a handle on any of them. Then the quiet set in. I sat here for a few minutes, just taking in the silence, listening to my thoughts. Just the 3 of us, me, myself and I.
There's Me.....the child. Doesn't that sound just like a child....me, me, me. The youngest of 5, so very spoiled. I'll admit it. And my older siblings will also attest to that. They will probably tell you I was the favorite too. Not spoiled like you would define "spoiled" now days, though. I may have gotten things I wanted, but I knew what to ask for and what not to ask for. One year for Christmas, I asked for a portable cassette recorder. Some of you won't even know what that is. It cost about $30. I didn't get it that year, or the next. But did get it the 3rd year for Christmas. I also wanted a cedar chest when I was a teenager. I had been looking at them in magazines and had one of the least expensive ones picked out. I think about $120.00. My dad told me he thought he could afford it if we got 3 cuttings of alfalfa in that summer. Our growing season was only about 3 months out of the year and the norm was to get 2 cuttings. On a very few occasions, if the good weather would hold on a little longer, we would get 3. By this time, my older siblings had all moved out and it was just me and dad moving the sprinkler pipe through the fields. There certainly wasn't anything I could do in that regard to improve our chances of getting a 3rd cutting. But I think I must have worked with a little more enthusiasm and a little less complaining that summer. At the end of the 2nd crop, it was obvious that we were not going to get another one in. I was disappointed of course, but that's just the way it was. My dad then told me that he was going to buy the cedar chest anyway. He said there wasn't anything more I could have done to improve our chances, so he was just going to buy it. I guess that's what they called spoiled in my day. I learned to sew at a very young age and was good at it. I enjoyed painting and sketching. I have to say I haven't done much sewing or painting/sketching since then. I was good in school, although never liked the writing assignments. I was confident and recognized by people around me as someone very capable, someone who would achieve much and be successful in life. There's still a lot of Me, the child in my thoughts. Some complete memories and some bits and pieces of memories, with a lot of tradition and family heritage thrown in. That's probably why I love to go home to Idaho and visit on occasion. It brings Me, the child to the surface for a brief time.
Then there's Myself.......What can I say about myself. Myself is kind of a lonely word. It implies just that, no one else, just myself. It doesn't have to be lonely though. At times I really enjoy Myself. No one else to worry about, or think about. No one else to try to please. Just Myself. We all have this, our inner thoughts, our private desires. Things we don't share, for one reason or another. Maybe we all have different proportions of the Myself in each of us. I think sometimes I just want to keep Myself, to myself. Little scary to put Myself out there.
Finally there's I....I am a woman in my 50s who is a combination of all things leading up to this point. I am a combination of the Me and Myself. I am the future, taking the best parts of the Me and Myself with me into that future. Learning from, but leaving behind all that is not good from the Me and Myself. I am a mother. No, I am a great mother. I am creative and confident. I am learning to express some of those inner thoughts so closely guarded by Myself. I am learning how to be the "I" that I want to be. I am learning to bring the Me back into the "I".
So, are you totally confused about now. So am I. Welcome to my thoughts.
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